Listen with the Heart
It seems that this season of Advent waiting, watching, and living in darkness in hope of the light also expresses the process of discernment and mystery of vocation. You see, I believe every one of us has a vocation, and have learned over time that following your vocation is not always so simple. Ten years ago I was working as an addiction counselor, volunteering at a hospice, praying the Offices, and meeting with a spiritual director. Yet I couldn’t ignore the fact that I was experiencing a growing sense of yearning which I couldn’t name or understand. Finally, in defeat, I surrendered my will and asked others for guidance, and something happened. I began to understand my longing was not just seeking God, but seeking God’s will for me – my vocation. At the same time, I felt a bit like Moses saying, “How may I know? Give me a sign,” and much to my dismay found that discernment doesn’t work that way.
Seven years ago I came to the Community of St. Francis to test my vocation and continue discerning a call to ordination. Over these years I’ve learned the art of ‘being’ rather than ‘doing’, and to listen with the heart rather than think with intellect. As I move closer to my heart’s desire I also experience the immense fear, awe, and wonder at approaching the Holy, or allowing the Holy to be birthed within me. My journey continued this summer with Life Vows in CSF and Ordination to the Priesthood on December 6th.